Mr. Purple Mamba and I were chatting about one single gent in particular this morning. He's an average looking chap, always dresses smart, fairly quiet and unassuming, isn't one to cause a scene at all and yet... he's a legend. He's invited away on holidays with couples, his play list is full every week with fun, experienced ladies, every weekend is full of new experiences with a range of new encounters and old friends - he's a model single gent across all the factors. What's his secret?
Often in clubs or chat rooms online, you'll come across those who moan. They are the complainers. They comment on how they have come across timewasters or no-shows, how they can't find anyone that fits their criteria, how xyz club is too quiet, that they get too many approaches from single guys, how work has left them too tired to play, that everything is rubbish and how the colour of the sky is the wrong shade of blue. The complainers come in all ages, shapes and sizes, they could be a single or a couple. They will message you with a long list of their dislikes, or chat with you in a club and bellyache about how they don't find anyone attractive enough. The complainers rarely smile. They rarely play with others, but they are very much part of the scene.
So...what to do if you think you might be a complainer? I do it myself sometimes, we all do. It's normal to have off-days, but it can seriously affect how your swinging experiences can go. If you are having a terrible, stressful week at work, you might begin to pin all of your hopes on having an exciting, magical weekend of play with others in order to release that tension. Your expectation of what should happen on Friday night, that an amazingly attractive single lady will want all of your attention, NSA, within the hours of 10pm-12.17pm, and she will do that thing you like so much, but only for 14 minutes, oh, and she'll be 5ft 6'' and a Scorpio.... It doesn't work. No wonder you're disappointed, no wonder you moan, you will become a complainer. It's not that you've set your expectations too high, it's that they are too specific.
Swinging is all about the experience. With any great experience, sometimes you need to set yourself a way-path to get there. The awe-inspiring experience of standing on top of a mountain at sunset requires you to put up with sore feet and aching shoulders. That moment of bliss on a faraway beach requires the hassle of passport control and check-in queues. If you're still complaining about the traffic jams on the way when you've reached your destination, you'll never fully appreciate it for what it is. It's the same principle with meets. Don't expect everything to fall into place just because it's the weekend.
Enjoy the time with others. Enjoy meeting others and chatting with them. Find positives and humour in the lifestyle. Positive play comes from a positive mindset. Don't lower your standards, play with who you wish, just don't expect it to happen instantly on the hour of your choosing. Sometimes it's good to be spontaneous and go with the flow. The complainers may not be aware that they are putting off potential playmates because they are giving off negative vibes. They might not realise their scowls or sarcastic, curt messages are putting off potential great future meets. They won't get to experience the joy at the top of the mountain or the bliss on the beach because they are too focused on their blisters and writing letters of complaint about delayed flights. Be positive and the play will come to you. Respond to meet requests honestly, if it's not your thing, then just say so openly, and be polite. Be approachable and friendly and great swinging experiences will come your way. It may not be tonight, you may still be stressed about that report deadline at work...but it will come.
And that's how our single gent friend has such an amazing legend behind him. He's polite, easy going, friendly and, above all, positive. He's not storing up his expectations to be suddenly realised during the weekend. He's enjoying the whole experience with others. He's reached the top of the mountain and wants to stay there.
Stay positive. Happy swinging.